• by Fredd Dunham • At the beginning of my spiritual path, I was blessed with an experience that utterly changed my life. The events that led up to this experience remind me that God is always watching over us with divine love, watching and helping us with our choices in life, if we only ask.
As a young man in the early 1970s, a deep longing for Spirit awakened within me. I had been involved in many of the distractions of that era, but was struggling to find my way out. I heard about a meditation center in the mountains above Santa Barbara and was immediately attracted to the energy. I attended one of the meditations and met the founder, Norm Paulsen, who invited me to live in the downtown office of the retreat center as its caretaker.
At the time, I was not totally clear on the necessity of staying away from drugs, alcohol, and other distractions in order to live a spiritual life. So one day I accepted the invitation of an old friend to her party in the foothills of Santa Barbara. She asked me to bring firewood, and gave me money to pick up a bottle of wine.
I went back to the retreat office to load up the firewood, and ran into Norm there. I mentioned my plans as we sat down. Norm looked at me compassionately, then said: “If you want the experience of divine illumination, you won’t find it in something outside of yourself. As Jesus said, ‘The Kingdom of heaven is within you.’ It’s already there. Seek and you shall find.” I could feel the power of truth emanating from Norm as he quietly spoke.
After further discussion, he left to drive up the mountain and attend group meditation. I was alone, struggling to make my decision. My inner spirit was saying, “Yes I want to meditate and awaken God’s Spirit within me; this is what I want in life.” But my self-conscious mind argued, “You promised to go to the party, to bring the firewood, to buy the wine. You have to go! You promised!”
I loaded up the wood, but didn’t buy the wine, thinking that I would just give my friend her money back. I headed up to the party, praying fervently, while a battle was going on within me. The closer I got to the party, the more agitated I became as the struggle within me intensified.
The road to the party was full of curves as it gently climbed and wound in and out of canyons. Turning the first curve, I could see a huge, beautiful cloud above and in front of me. Each time I rounded a curve I would lose sight of it. Then around another curve, there it was again as if it was following me, watching me.
As I was about to round the last corner I realized I had to make a choice immediately. In my anguish, I cried out: “Oh God, I don’t want to tempt you, but please show me a sign!” Turning the next corner, I saw the huge cloud had changed. It had become a giant arrow pointing toward the top of the mountain, right toward the meditation retreat!
In the depths of my soul, a great sigh of relief expressed: “Thank you Lord!” I turned the car around and didn’t take my foot off the accelerator until I returned to the road that led to the retreat. Arriving just as meditation started, I joined the circle without a word.
It has been said that God comes when we least expect it. As I sat down in the meditation room, over my head I suddenly beheld the radiant, living body of Christ, a sphere of light brighter than the daytime sun. It was composed of ten thousand orbs of light—suns within a Sun. They were constantly moving at incredible speed, like bees outside of a hive, each one striking me on the crown of my head with divine power. I was filled with indescribably ecstasy, and knew in that moment what was meant by: “I stand at the door and knock.” The loving light of Christ eternally stands at that door on the crown of each person’s head, knocking and waiting to be invited to enter in.
This experience set my feet on the homeward path to Divine Spirit. Although it’s often hard to hold onto that energy in daily life, I know that God doesn’t look at how many times we fall, or what mistakes we make. Instead, our Divine Parents are very much like loving parents in this life who are watching their young child learn to walk. If the child falls, there’s no reproach, only love and encouragement to get up and try again. If we reach up one hand to Spirit, Spirit will reach down two to help us.
