A person can fail many times, but they are not a failure until they begin to blame somebody else.
• Excerpt from Thich Nhat Hanh • When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument.
That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.
• More Notes on Blame and Success in Life •
When there is a problem, the best approach is to figure out the root cause. There can be a tendency to place blame, especially on others. Embracing accountability and responsibility helps us realize how we can do better as individuals, and as a group.
This requires an inner and outer environment in which it’s okay to accept responsibility; it’s okay to acknowledge you’ve made a mistake if you have. Then we need to move on in our thinking. Often the root cause of a problem is simply miscommunication, misunderstanding, or lack of information.
Introspection is vital for spiritual growth. It is helpful for group endeavors as well—periodical review of how well we’re doing.
Personal introspection and Self-affirmation helps us grow up as individuals—to assess our progress on meeting our goals in life, and on being who we want to be. Likewise a group with a common vision (be it a family or a company) with self-organizing teams and good infrastructure, makes forward progress and detects problems quickly. And this is a perfect environment for individuals to feel like they are contributing.
The blame game is not for us. Being motivated by a heart of love and kindness benefits us all.